Q. I’m a self-employed mortgage broker and lately, I’ve been feeling inadequate and discouraged seeing others in my industry recognised at award events. I’m passionate about my work, but I am distracted by a nagging feeling of inadequacy. How can I overcome this comparison trap and regain my confidence?

Okay, this needs urgent attention. Left unchecked, this habit can feed into an inferiority complex – a deeply ingrained sense of not being ‘good enough’ that will distort your view of yourself and your abilities.

If you’re comparing yourself to others and using their success as proof that you’re not good enough, you’re falling into the trap of measuring your worth against their highlights. Remember, what you see at award events or on social media is the polished end result, not the struggles, failures, or hard work that led there.

To overcome this, focus on building your own internal measure of success. One practical tool you can use is the evidence log. Each day or week, write down your own wins, strengths, and contributions. Ask yourself:

  • What have I accomplished today that aligns with my values?

  • How have I improved or grown as a professional?

  • How have I made a difference for my clients?

By documenting your own achievements, you create an ongoing record of real evidence of your worth, helping counteract the distorted comparisons with others.

If you’re feeling inadequate, it’s also important to do something about it. Instead of passively comparing, ask yourself what practical steps you can take to level up – whether through new skills, strategies, or deeper client relationships.

Rebuilding your confidence comes from taking responsibility where you are and deliberately moving toward where you want to be.

Remember, if you want something you’ve never had, you’ve got to do something you’ve never done.

Have a question for our expert psychotherapist Bronwyn Penhaligon? Send your questions to [email protected]

Or, if you feel you need more support, you can visit penhaligons.com.au to schedule a one-on-one appointment.