A critical issue

AdviseHer spoke to experts in the field to find out how you can take constructive feedback on board, how you should react to unfounded or aggressive criticism, and how you can best deliver criticism to those with whom you work.

Accepting criticism

Most people find it very difficult to take criticism, according to Carol Mitchell, personal and professional image consultant at CK Image Consultancy.

The first and most important step, she says, is not to take it personally. You must also listen to what people have to say.

If at any point you’re unsure about where they’re coming from, the best tactic is to ask questions. From there, it’s wise to think about the feedback before reacting too strongly either way.

“It’s very difficult to take criticism, so you’re better off thinking about it – walk away and come back to address it later on,” says Ms Mitchell.

You should practise your response to criticism and say something you are comfortable with to acknowledge you have understood, she adds.

“At the time, you have to say something that you feel comfortable with, which could be ‘thank you for pointing that out, I’ll take it on board’, or ‘I appreciate the feedback.’

“You have to practise this because it does take some time to be able to do it effectively.”

Dr Bernard Scully, national director of employee assistance program services at Assure Programs, says the key focus should be on remaining calm.

“The key is to focus on trying to remain relaxed while receiving the feedback,” Dr Scully says. “That reduces the chance that we will become defensive during these times.”

From there, adds Ms Mitchell, you should walk away and consider if there was any merit to the criticism.

Learning opportunity or unfounded criticism

If you have made a mistake or could improve your work, then the criticism should probably be seen as a learning opportunity and should be accepted.

“If someone’s game enough to tell you something that you should know, then that’s a good thing,”

Giving criticism

According to Ms Mitchell, there are several important steps you should take if you have decided to offer someone constructive criticism in a business context.

First, it should not be done publicly, regardless of whether the person is a subordinate or not.

It is important to reiterate that you do not want them to take it personally and you should also offer feedback regarding what they are doing well, so as to offer balance.

You must also give the person you are criticising the chance to respond.

“You need to say, ‘I don’t want you to take this personally; however, I have noticed this, this and this. Can you explain why you’ve done this?’” says Ms Mitchell.

Dr Scully agrees that including the opportunity for questions and reciprocal feedback is important in ensuring the receiver takes the observations on board.

“One of the key ingredients to giving feedback is inviting the opportunity for a person’s response, so that they feel they’ve had the chance to have their say as well,” he says.

‘I-statements’ are the most effective way to give feedback.

“‘I-statements’ enable people to own what they’re trying to communicate,” he says. “You say ‘I’m feeling these things’ rather than ‘you’re making me feel these things’. It’s a way of communicating which reduces the chance people might react negatively to the feedback you’re giving.”

Ms Mitchell adds that you should pick the appropriate time to deliver your feedback.

“Do it nicely – never do anything in anger,” she advises. “You should also ask them if there has been a misunderstanding.

“The most important thing is to stay calm and to not allow yourself to become ruffled by the situation.”

Ms Mitchell adds that no matter how badly someone reacts, as the person delivering the criticism, you must remain calm.

“Normally people will react, but you’ve got to stay calm because bad behaviour breeds bad behaviour. It is very difficult to stay angry with someone who is being calm,” she says.

If people do take offence – which is likely, unfortunately, given the sensitive nature of criticism – there are ways to rectify the situation.

“Most people don’t take criticism well,” says Ms Mitchell. “When you’ve got something critical to say, you can advise them that you’re doing it for their benefit.

“If you didn’t care about them, you wouldn’t be giving any feedback whatsoever.”

Asking for feedback

In some cases, people may approach you for feedback, something of which you should be wary, Ms Mitchell says.

“When people ask for feedback, usually they are actually looking for a compliment. If someone asks me for feedback, especially in a social situation, I always ask, ‘is feedback what you’re asking for?’

“You should never ask for a compliment; you wait for a compliment. Constructive criticism is what you should be expecting if you’re asking for feedback.”

Ms Mitchell does concede that people, especially in a business context, do not offer praise frequently enough.

“When you have got something negative to say to someone, think about a positive first – especially when you’re talking to subordinates. Then they won’t feel nearly as bad,” she says.

“Especially in a work environment, you want to keep everything smooth and running well. You want people to enjoy working with you.”