Simple steps that could change a life

With the bushfire crisis taking grip of the country at the start of the year, followed by the devastating impacts of the coronavirus pandemic and the economic downturn, Katherine Newton, CEO of suicide prevention charity R U OK?, notes that 2020 has been a challenging year for everyone.

Feelings of hopelessness, helplessness and anxiety can be exacerbated by disconnection, Ms Newton says, which is why ensuring we are connecting during this time of physical isolation is paramount.

As such, she adds that these circumstances have made it even more important for us all to stay connected and, for those who are able, be willing to support those around us.

“Time is one of the most valuable things we can share with the people that we care about,” says Ms Newton. “When someone in your life is struggling, it’s natural to ask them if they’re OK, but it can sometimes be difficult to know what to say next.”

According to the charity, nearly a third (31 per cent) of Australians lack confidence or are unsure how to have a conversation with someone who is not OK, says Ms Newton, which is why the motto for this year’s R U OK? Day – being held on Thursday, 10 September (coinciding with World Suicide Prevention Day) – is “There’s more to say after R U OK?”

“We want to help them learn what to say after R U OK? because a conversation could change someone’s life,” Ms Newton says.

The charity hopes that, by raising awareness of what to say after asking the question, it will help break down any fears or concerns someone might be feeling when approaching a meaningful conversation with a family member, friend or colleague who might be doing it tough.

“You don’t have to be an expert to keep the conversation going, and if you familiarise yourself with what to say after hearing ‘No, I’m not OK’, you can show genuine intent and genuinely help someone access appropriate support long before they’re in crisis,” the CEO says.

“We want Australians to be confident in having a meaningful conversation, and if someone says they’re not OK, make time to listen with an open mind, encourage action and regularly check in.”

What to do after asking the question

As well as taking their response seriously, the charity recommends that the person asking the question gives the respondent enough time to think about their response and not hurry them/shut them down.

Once they have told you how they are, R U OK? encourages a dialogue around how they are feeling and letting them know you are asking because you’re concerned.

Some suggested responses include:

• “What’s been happening?”
• “Have you been feeling this way for a while?”
• “I’m not going to pretend I know what it’s like for you, but I’m here to listen to why you feel the way you do.”
• “It sounds like that would be really tough. How are you going with managing it?”
• “Do you feel like chatting a bit longer? I’m ready to listen.”
• “Take your time, I’m here for you.”
• “If there’s something you’re unsure about sharing with me right now, I just want you to know I’m here when you’re ready.”

The next step is to gently encourage action, such as asking what might have helped in the past, or encouraging them to access support from family, friends, doctors or another qualified health professional.

You could ask:

• “What do you think is a first step that would help you through this?”
• “What can I do right now to support you?”
• “Have you had much support around you?”
• “Is there anything you’ve tried in the past that’s made you feel better when you’ve felt like this?”
• “Do you think it would help for you to talk to someone else about some of these things, maybe a health professional?”
• “I know when I went through something similar, talking to a professional really helped me out. Would you like me to help you book an appointment?”

The charity also highlights that if someone says they are fine, but you are still concerned about them, perhaps outline why you are concerned and check in on them the following week. Alternatively, if they don’t want to talk, don’t force them into talking and don’t take it personally if they are not ready. Perhaps, instead, suggest they talk to someone they trust and check in with them again soon.

R U OK? Day broker events 

Several industry bodies, lenders and brokerages are holding R U OK? Day events today, including the Finance Brokers Association of Australia (FBAA), which is holding its annual Get Broker FIT - R U OK? Day, run in partnership with wellness supporter Suncorp.

The digital event, which is open to all industry players (regardless of association), will comprise a morning session from 11.30am - 1pm AEST and an afternoon session between 3.30pm and 5pm AEST.

Speakers include: Minister for Health Greg Hunt MP; R U OK? Day ambassador Stephen Dowling; Rebekah Smith, principal at Smith and Wellness; as well as FBAA managing director Peter White. The event is emceed by Suncorp’s national partnerships manager, Renee Blethyn.

Speaking ahead of the event, Mr White noted that many brokers have been personally impacted over the past year, making it more important than ever to connect digitally at the event.

“R U OK? Day has a very special place in my heart, and I took on an ambassadorship for this industry five years ago, because I could see what was happening to colleagues and friends of mine with depression and anxiety, and the way they were being treated and looked upon because of this,” he said.

“We’ve turned what was almost a taboo conversation into something that is commonplace and readily spoken about throughout the entire industry. It’s important for all of us to remember that it’s OK not to be OK.”

Choice Aggregation Services will also host a digital event to mark R U OK? Day today, with prominent mental health advocate and founding chairman of Beyond Blue, Jeff Kennett, taking part as the keynote speaker.

As the theme for this year’s R U OK? Day is “There’s more to say after R U OK?”, Choice’s event (taking place online at 1pm AEST) will focus on how brokers can continue a conversation with someone who might be struggling, and will feature tips and videos from R U OK?

“This year, the focus is all about supporting and encouraging meaningful conversations. So, if someone says they are not OK, whether that is a friend, family member, colleague or customer, the event is designed to increase broker skills and confidence in knowing what to say next,” Choice CEO Stephen Moore said.

“We recognise that the past period has been really hard for a lot of people, including many brokers. The fact is one in two Australians will experience a mental illness in their lifetime, so please don’t feel like it’s a weakness and don’t feel like you’re alone.

“Reaching out for help through a simple conversation can really have a transformative impact.”

If you are suffering from abuse, depression or suicidal thoughts – or you’re worried about someone else – and feel that professional support is needed, contact your local doctor or one of the 24/7 crisis agencies below:

1800RESPECT: 1800 737 732

www.1800respect.org.au

Lifeline: 13 11 14

www.lifeline.org.au

Suicide Call Back Service: 1300 659 467

www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au

Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636

www.beyondblue.org.au

If you are concerned for your immediate safety or the safety of others, call Triple Zero (000).